10 Tips to Help Your Child Settle In At Play School
By Ofra Sharp and Ma’ayan Hamilton / January 2024
As the summer holidays draw to an end, you have probably started thinking about your child’s return to school.
This can be an emotionally charged time for many children and parents, as it means a change of routine, as well as longer periods of separation between you and your child. Even if your little one is returning to a familiar school, they may still struggle with the transition.
We’ve compiled some helpful tips to make this process easier for both children and parents.
Many of the children attending Little Acorns PlayGroup are familiar with the space, as they have attended Time2gether workshops, and have enjoyed time in the various activity rooms. Despite this familiarity, remember that it has been a few weeks since they have been at the school, so it is always good to be prepared for a period of adjusting and settling in.
#1 Understanding Preschooler Emotions
It is normal for young children to have feelings of both apprehension and excitement about starting school. Many children experience both feelings at the same time, or oscillate between the two. This can lead to emotional tension or feelings of anxiety, which can be unsettling for them.
So while it is important to prepare your child for the start of the new school term, we suggest that you don’t talk about going to school too much in the weeks beforehand. This can create even more anxiety for them.
#2 Timing Matters: When to Talk About School
So when is the best time to talk to your child about going to school? We suggest mentioning it to them a few days before school starts. For example, you may say something like:
“On Wednesday, playschool is starting again.I know that your teachers are looking forward to seeing you when you start school again next week. They have prepared fun activities for everyone to do.”
Keep it short and simple. There is no need to repeatedly remind your child about returning to school. Young children generally don’t have a clear concept of days and time, so talking about it can be confusing and stressful for them.
#3 The Day Before School Starts: Preparing and Reassuring
Assist your child in getting their school bag ready a day before school starts. Pack a spare set of clothes, hat, suncream, tissues, wet wipes, and anything else that the school has requested you send for them. Show your child that everything is labeled clearly with their name.
Then tell your child what is going to happen the next day, for example:
“Tomorrow I will drop you at school. Then I have to go to work and you are going to stay with [… teacher’s name…].
At [… time …], I will collect you. After school we are going to [mention the activity].”
If your child says that they don’t want to go to school, you can acknowledge their feelings and then reassure them that you know that they will be okay. You might say something like:
“I know that you don’t want to go to school, but I also know that you will enjoy the morning playing with your friends. Remember I will collect and then we are going to come home together.”
Don’t try to convince your child that they will have fun, or that they will like their teacher. Don’t ask them why they don’t want to go to school. Just make sure that your child knows that you understand how they feel, and then leave it at that. Over-talking will often only make it harder for your child.
#4 Be Positive: Focus on the Good
Children are very perceptive and they will pick up on your concerns or insecurities regarding their ability to handle school. If you are struggling with your own worries about them going to school, try not to talk about it with or in front of them. When you do talk about playschool, focus on positive things, like: friends, fun, painting, and singing.
We strongly suggest that you don’t ask your child questions like: “Do you want to go to school today?”. Rather find a simple positive statement to make, such as: “It is going to be a fun day at school today!”.
#5 Be Consistent: Establish a Good Routine
Children respond to routine and consistency!
Make sure your child goes to bed early the night before school. Little ones can handle new situations much better if they are well rested. Being tired often makes things harder for them, both physically and emotionally. Be consistent with bed time on all the days of the week.
Try to be consistent with the school morning routine! The quickest and easiest way to help your child settle in at school is to bring them to school every day (unless they are sick of course!). Children who miss many school days can take months to settle in!
#6 Be Punctual: Try to Arrive On Time
We always suggest that parents arrive at the allocated arrival times in the morning. For example at Little Acorns Playgroup, the arrival time is 8:30-9:00. This makes it easier for your child to settle into a routine. We do understand that some mornings can be rushed or stressful, in which case we recommend that you come a little bit later rather than not at all.
As teachers we will do our utmost to make your child feel welcome and safe when they get to school. We have noticed that children sometimes feel uncomfortable, or like ‘outsiders’ if they arrive half way through an activity, so try not to make late arrivals a daily habit.
#7 Don’t Linger: Keep Goodbyes Short and Sweet
You may think that the longer you linger at school the more settled your child will feel. In fact the opposite is usually true: lingering can stress your child even more. Your child is likely to feel your anxiety the entire time that you stay, so the more you draw it out, the more intense their anxiety becomes. By lingering longer you could be giving your child the message that you are worried or anxious.
We suggest that before you get to school in the morning, tell your child that you will stay for 5 minutes and then you will need to leave. Or tell them you will do one activity with them, and then you will go. Do not prolong the goodbye, or extend the time beyond what you have said (5 minutes / 1 activity). Be consistent with this routine.
Once you have said goodbye to your child, leave right away. It is best not to start chatting to another parent in the entrance or driveway, as your child will be able to see you and hear that you are still nearby. This again may add to their stress, and you will have to repeat the whole goodbye process again.
#8 Build Trust by Always Saying Goodbye
Please always say goodbye! Do not sneak away! This will help your child trust you more. If you just disappear, your child’s anxiety will get worse, and your child may become more clingy and distressed in any new environment or situation. When you say goodbye, remind your child that you will be back to fetch them.
#9 Timely Pick-ups Make All the Difference
For many children, collection time can be just as stressful as drop off. Make sure that you arrive on time to fetch your little one. If a child sees others being collected, they often start to feel anxious about when their parents will arrive to fetch them. As soon as parents start arriving they all ask ‘where is my mommy/daddy’ and often become tearful.
Some children may also burst into tears (out of relief) when their parents arrive to pick them up. If this happens to your child, please don’t be alarmed. Remember that your child has had a long day, and that they might be both emotionally and physically tired from being at school. We suggest that you make sure that you are at least 5 minutes early to collect them, so that when we open the gate you are already there.
Be consistent with collecting your child on time. This is especially important at the beginning of the year, as it will help them trust you when you tell them that you will be back to collect them.
#10 Lastly Remember that Positive Experiences = Good Foundations
Remember that establishing a consistent and relaxed morning routine will help your child for the rest of their schooling years.
Start early on with good habits and routines that will lay the foundation for a positive experience for the years to come.
We hope that you will be able to use these practical tips for helping your child settle into school to make things a bit easier for them at the start of the new term.
About the authors
Ofra Sharp
Ofra Sharp is the founder and owner of Little Acorns PlayGroup and Time2gether Activity Workshops. Ofra has many years of experience working with children of different ages, and their families. Ofra has a deep knowledge and understanding of the importance of early childhood development. Her qualifications include:
FDE Junior Primary (CCOE, UCT)
Advanced Play Therapy (Red Shoe)
Counselling 1 and 2, and trauma debriefing certificates (FAMtrac)
Ma’ayan Hamilton
Ma’ayan is a co-owner of LIttle Acorns PlayGroup where she is also involved as a teacher assistant. Ma’ayan qualified with a Bachelor of Science in Occupational Therapy in 2008, after which she furthered her studies as a TRE provider. Ma’ayan has a deep understanding of early childhood development, as well as the psychosocial needs of young children. Ma’ayan has three children of her own and has many years of hands-on experience with young children. Her qualifications include:
B.Sc. Occupational Therapy (University of Cape Town)
TRE provider (TRE Global Certification Training)
